Today is March 1 and central Illinois, where I live, is expecting up to 10 inches of snow this weekend. The weather is as tempestuous as my mood has been the past few weeks. I have been lashing out at everyone around me at the slightest provocation. One minute I’m feeling great; the next I am curled up in bed clutching my much-loved teddy bear and fighting back tears. My life feels as though I’ve hit the pause button.
In three days, I am having an endometrial biopsy. To say I am scared is putting it mildly. Terrified would probably be the more correct term to use. This is not my first one. This time around I am presenting with a very scary symptom – abnormal uterine bleeding. If there is one thing women take away from this, if you experience abnormal uterine bleeding, get it checked out. Don’t wait.
I went through menopause in 2005 or 2006 and have not had a period since that time. However, last year I started spotting. At first, it was irregular and I passed it off as nothing to worry about. It gradually got heavier to the point I had to start buying sanitary napkins. I felt like a teenage going through her first menses again. The occasional bleeds turned into six times a month bleeds, accompanied by hard cramps. I just finished a week-long bout of spotting with cramps.
I’m not stupid. I knew something was wrong. After menopause, a woman should not experience uterine bleeding. In 2008, I had had a D & C, which is also referred to as a dilation and curettage. It was an outpatient procedure performed under general anesthetic. My gynecologist went in and used a curette to scrape the inner lining of my uterus to collect samples for examination. I was diagnosed with complex hyperplasia without atypia, which has a three percent risk of developing into full-blown endometrial cancer.
Hyperplasia occurs when the lining of the uterus thickens, which is usually caused by excess estrogen production without progesterone. During your normal menstrual cycle, there is a balance between estrogen and progesterone and you shed your uterine lining each month. When a woman is fat, the excess fat stimulates the body to produce estrogen. After a woman goes through menopause, your body no longer produces progesterone. However, in fat women, your body continues to produce estrogen. Without progesterone, the uterine lining, or endometrium, continues to grow and thicken and the cells can become abnormal.
My gynecologist said the D & C results showed pre-cancerous cellular changes in the lining of my uterus, which would develop into cancer at some point. At that time, I wanted to have a hysterectomy, which my gynecologist didn’t want to do. I was past my child-bearing years so losing my girly parts wouldn’t have bothered me. However, she said because I had never had children, I was very tight and it would have made it harder to do a vaginal hysterectomy.
She started me on standard treatment protocol – oral progesterone therapy. I couldn’t handle it. It was like having a period 24/7. I experienced tremendous mood swings, cramping, constant bleeding, and food cravings. When I contacted my gynecologist, I found out she had left the practice. I weaned myself off the meds and never went back to the doctor. By that time, I had lost my health insurance and couldn’t afford follow-up treatment.
Flash forward to today. I still don’t have health insurance. I am a freelance writer who barely earns enough to survive month to month sometimes. It was only through sheer luck I found the gynecologic oncologist I am seeing Tuesday. I interviewed him for my story on endometrial cancer for spryliving.com.
I have been living with a ticking time bomb inside me since 2008. Tuesday I find out whether or not it has gone off. I have not felt right for a long time and somehow have always known at some point I would face a cancer diagnosis and had long ago accepted I couldn’t afford to do anything about it without insurance. I still don’t know what I’m going to do.
When I spoke with my new gynecologic oncologist on the phone, I told him about me. After I described my symptoms, he got very quiet. He said complex hyperplasia without atypia had a three percent risk of developing into cancer. I then told him about my abnormal uterine bleeding and that I would bleed up to six times a month. At that point, he told me to make an appointment with him.
Yes, I’m terrified. I know my body. I’ve known for the longest time that something wasn’t right. There are times I wish I was stupid. There are days I wish I didn’t have the knowledge that I have stuffed in my brain. I am scared to death that I’ll hear the word cancer even though I’ve been expecting that diagnosis for a long time. Expecting it and hearing it are two different things. What scares me even more is that I’ve found a lump on the left side of my abdomen. It has been there for several months. What if I have cancer and it has already spread? What if it’s already too late?
I will begin the journey to finding out Tuesday.
Endometrial Cancer: Farewell To My Uterus 