Endometrial biopsies hurt. Hurt is too mild a word to describe the exquisite cramping after having an instrument inserted inside your uterus through your cervix to take a sample of the endometrium lining to check for any uninvited cancer cells that might be hanging out and having a party without your knowledge.
I’ve never been pregnant so I’ve never had the pleasure of pushing a nine pound bowling ball out from between my legs but I’m sure that pain is nowhere comparable to that of an endometrial biopsy. If I’m wrong, please correct me.
Pity the poor man that dares complain to me about his little aches and pains and expects me to take care of him. I look him right in the eye and say don’t tell me your big toe hurts. Have you ever had an endometrial biopsy? You don’t know what pain is. You should try it sometime. Men can’t handle the level of pain women have to put up with starting with when we start our periods and cramp and bleed every month.
I swear if I believed in the Biblical story of Adam and Eve, I’d say God was playing a pretty cruel joke on women. Men don’t have to put their feet up in stirrups. Hell, a man just has to unzip and pull out his penis. I know men have to have rectal exams. Poor babies. We get it front and back.
After my gynecologist ruled out ovarian cancer – the “mass” was actually a twisted Fallopian tube – she decided to have me in for a full workup. She was very thorough and explained everything she did. I had my first date with a speculum. He was cold and aloof.
A few days later she called and said the Pap had showed some endometrial cells growing on the outside of my cervix and she wanted to schedule me for an endometrial biopsy. I’m an information gatherer. At these times, Google is not your friend.
I was well prepared when I went in for my appointment. After I stripped down, I climbed up on the table and got into position. She then wheeled a tray containing a lot of shiny sharp looking instruments over to the table.
I immediately clenched and shut my legs, or tried to. My gynecologist was in the way. She’s looking for the right speculum – I guess the first one and I didn’t work out – and telling me that it’s going to hurt a little bit. I’ll feel a slight pressure but it won’t last long. Slight pressure, my ass. Sorry wrong entry way.
By the way, she did all this without the benefit of anesthetic. I wasn’t offered the option of having a numbing agent injected inside my uterus. After she positioned the speculum, she inserted an instrument through my cervix and into my uterus to collect a sample of the endometrial lining. The cramping was literally indescribable. I kept clenching and trying to close my legs and she kept telling me to relax. Right. Relax. My uterus didn’t want anything inside it thank you very much. At one point, I asked her if she had ever had an endometrial biopsy and she said yes. I was clenching the sides of the table and had tears in my eyes.
I can handle pain but that level of pain was almost beyond endurable. On a one to ten scale, it was off the charts. Lucky me. I get to go through it all over again March 4. This time I’m getting selfies so I can share the experience with everyone.
When she finally pulled all the instruments out of my vagina, I was so ready for it to be over and done with. It really is amazing how many instruments can fit inside your vagina.
She complemented me afterwards, after I’d cleaned up and dressed, on how well I’d handled it. She said a lot of women can’t tolerate the pain. All I had to do now was wait.
Endometrial Cancer: Farewell To My Uterus 